Fit to be Tied #2

Since May 15 I have dropped 3 more pounds, 2 more inches, which totals 15 pounds and 7 inches. 

Let's not celebrate just yet. 

I know that I could have done more, however, the following weeks after my last post were filled with activities that included my first love, my second love and my third love (Benjamin, friends/family and food!)  I celebrated my 32nd birthday on May 22 and spend the past 2 weeks relishing the delicious things in my life.  Now, that was worth celebrating.

So, over the past few days the "normal" goal of incorporating exercise into every single day has returned to it's proper place in my life and I will use the next two weeks to set out for achieving milestone #1, which is 20 pounds lost total by June 15.

I am considering giving up my $19.99 a month membership to Planet Fitness and just using the workout room at our apartment complex.  A resident donated an impressive elliptical machine and there are 3 treadmills, free weights and many other machines that I don't know what their purpose is.  I'm going to keep the membership through the summer and see how much I utilize the facility vs. the community workout room (just 500 feet from the door of my apartment!)

My biggest discouragements are my poor planning and hyper-active taste buds that do not want to eat just two types of cereal at any given breakfast, but asparagus omelets with mozzarella cheese and Great Harvest Bread Co. honey wheat toast. Meh!  I currently have five types of cereal that I am working through and luckily I never seem to get tired of the blueberries, raspberries and strawberries that I buy with an obsessive like quality.

I also would really like to fit into the capris that I bought for this summer.  They go on, zip up, but then I'm paralyzed and cannot breath, sit or move really.  I'm in those by the end of June. Period.

The final thing that is currently "bottlenecking" me is my angst and fear of what I will do when this is all over.  I've been trying to lose this weight since I was, at least, 17 years old.  I am afraid of her. This is not a fully developed thought, however, one that I am currently working towards confronting.

So, I'm open to comments, suggestions, words of inspiration and frequent encouragement.

Thank you for caring.

Fit to be Tied - #1

Thinking about starting a series of blogs that will track and highlight the health choices and things that I am doing to loose weight.  I'm thinking that a little accountability will keep some motivation going as well as tracking.

So...quick re-cap. As of April 1:

• I'm down 12 pounds and 4 inches.
• I'm exercising 2-3 times a week and am moving that to 4 times this week.
• I'm eating every 2-3 hours w/ a diet that consists of 100-200 calorie snacks in between balance meals
• My "perfect plate" for meal-time consists of a protein, a vegetable and a carbohydrate.

My "bottlenecks" (the place where I struggle the most):

• Planning meals and snacks
• Not over-eating when blood sugar drops and I get grouchy
• Allergy season has made workouts unbearable at times. I need to find some balance there and choose to suffer through when reasonable.

My goals for this week are:

• Monday - Thursday, workouts consisting of 30 min. on the elliptical and free weights 2x (Tuesday & Thursday)
• Consistent with eating plan
• Muscle confusion (incorporate small bursts of high-level exercise for 45-60 seconds into my workout
• Eating delicious hot chocolate, raspberry cake my sister is making me for my birthday.

My sweet cousin Jackie, who has lots of training in physical fitness and coaches sports teams has provided me with some exercises and loads of encouragement.  I have found that to be very helpful.  I don't need high-fives or hoots on Facebook, but frequent encouragement.

So, not that I want to be the center of attention, but that I want to know other's know that I'm working hard and trying, please stay tuned...

xoxo

Hannah

You painted me a picture of tomorrow
A place where you and I walked hand in hand
A world without despair and without shadows
But things just didn't turn out how we planned
Now you're gone

And I believe that there is somewhere
Where angels fill the sky
And I believe we'll live forever
You and I, you and I will never die

I wonder if you knew that you were leaving
I though that I saw something in your eyes
You painted me a picture of believing
I'll see you there on the other side
And I'll be there, yes, I will

You and I will never die
You and I will never die
We'll live forever, we'll live forever

(Thank you Jessica C for sending this to me)

Happy

Recently and because of my father's declining health, I've had a few days where there were no words to express the sadness that I felt and I felt like the only option available to me was to cry.  When I was younger I was generally a very happy person.  There were seasons where the frustration of unresolved relationships and a subsequent dissatisfaction of my self  put a weight on my soul that made being my normal jovial self a little more challenging.  However, for the most part, "sad" is not a common way that I would describe myself.

This sadness, I am feeling, is steaming from the idea that my father's health is declining, that he is in pain that he is experiencing confusion and distress.  I evaluated that feeling much further, only to discover that my sadness had very little to do with the state he is in physically.  So many times over the course of the past 13 1/2 years I have known of his pain and his distress.  This current near death experience is so very familiar, you see; he has been here before.  That time he was curled up in a fetal position on the floor in the basement of our home in Southfield, shaking and crying out because he was in pain; the physical gesture of putting his hand on his lower abdomen, just a little to the left after he ate that my sister, Sara and I used to tease him about; the hair loss, the skin irritation, the enamel decay; the bleeding...oh my the bleeding; the amount of time he spent in the bathroom with uncontrollable bowl issues; the ulcers on parts of his body I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy; no, this pain became normal, these conditions are what we have come to expect.

What I am sad about is the idea of the connection between him and my mother being severed.  What I find myself crying about is the fact that my mother will most likely loose her soul mate in the near future and she will, for the second time, have to bury a spouse.  I am sad for her loss, for the pain that she has endured for the past 13 years, watching the man she loves be physically overcome by a incurable illness, having her life interfered with, holidays disrupted; trips to see her children postponed; commitments never to be made because she has bravely stood by her man.  I am sad because she his biggest fan, his greatest source of encouragement; his faith carrier when he couldn't summon up the faith to keep fighting. I am sad because they had big dreams that they dreamed together, they had plans for their future and for the longest time they had hopeful expectations for that future...together.  They had each other...since their early twenties, they have had each other.  I am sad, because soon, she may not have him anymore and I cannot imagine loosing a spouse, having to watch a spouse pass on before you, the pain that is felt, the loneliness that ensues the part of you that dies right a long with them.

This past July 3, my sister Sara and I sat around the table and ate dinner with my parents.  It was their 33rd wedding anniversary.  I also realize that I am scared.  Not of loosing my father - I am gratefully in a place of having been able to say everything I wanted to say to him, hear everything a daughter would want to hear from their father and am happy holding my most fondest memories of him tightly in my soul - I am afraid that I don't know who my mother is without him.  Is it wrong to hope she will finally be able to travel without fear or restriction?  Is it wrong to anticipate relief from waiting for this to all be over?  Is it wrong to be happy that she may tackle that sewing or scapbooking that she has been talking about?  I am afraid she might just shrivel up and that I might loose her.  I suppose these fears and feelings are all normal, but they are causing me to feel sad, in an otherwise very happy soul.

Nathan Invades Apartment #132

17-years ago, my sister, Lori and her husband Phil bought me a train ticket to come visit them in Chicago for the weekend of my 14th birthday.  I traveled alone on this trip for the very first time.  Those many years ago, I promised my sister and brother-in-law that I would entertain their kids on their 14th birthday.

The next two weeks will be entries documenting the first fulfillment of that promise.  Beginning this past Sunday, our eldest nephew Nathan began a two-week stay at our home to commemorate the start of his 15th year of life (he turned 14 on 07/28).

We've had some entertaining times already these past 2.5 days. Benjamin and I will try to capture these moments in an effort to preserve the enjoyment we are having and for Nathan's sake years from now when he is trying to think of things to do with our 14-year old child. :)

Sunday, after we left the restaurant in Sterling Heights, where we "made the trade" (otherwise known as where my sister bid her 14-year old farewell, younger siblings clung to Nathan half-joking, not certain that they liked the idea of their brother being gone for 2-weeks and we acquired a teen aged boy),  we traveled to apt. #132 where Nathan helped Benjamin and I get dinner together for Benjamin's dad's birthday.  Nathan entertained Shirley (Ben's Mother) and "Aunt" Pat (our family friend) with technological tid-bits and gigabitten facts about mobile devises, external hard-drives, and which iPhone application is best.

Monday, Benjamin entertained Nathan while I was at work with some domestic chores like grocery shopping, kitchen cleaning, Wii Resort Championships, a trip to Dunkin Donuts and some random TV watching. (Apparently the last three have recently been added to the list of things to do when being a stay-at-home-dad.)  The point is, they had fun.  I got to entertain Nathan and was subsequently entertained with a trip to the theater to see Despicable Me.  We spent $10.00 (total) on the show for both of us and $24.00 (total) on candy, popcorn and white cherry slushies. Good. Grief.  The night ended with a Super Mario Smash Bros. Brawl between he and I until way too late.  He looked over at me on the couch, amidst my hyper-enthusiastic inquisition to "play again," and said, "Tianna, can we go to bed now?"

Today has been a "work-from-home" day for me and Nathan cooperated by helping clean-up our personal computers (a task that he is excellent at), reading, some Wii, sorting laundry and a nap.  After work, we headed out to the Southfield Public Library, where he found a Star Wars Comic book that he'd been looking for.  We did a quick trip to the grocery store where he came up with the fantastic idea of making Rice Krispie Treats! (see below for a few pictures)

As I write, Benjamin and Nathan are "killin' it" at Wii Resort Sport and I'm enjoying the naive delusion that having a teenager is going to be the easiest and greatest thing in the world.

If you are so inclined, please watch for more fun updates as Benjamin helps me keep my promise to my sister and brother-in-law (not like it was hard to do) and enjoy entertaining and being entertained by one of the most creative, inspiring, delightful 14-year old boys we know.

The "Trade"

Nathan's masterpiece

Uncle Benjamin explaining the importance of "folding" marshmallows and butter vs. just stirring

Yum!

Yummy-er!

Friendship

As previously noted, I have been doing some self-evaluation of the friendships that I have and the way in which I maintain those friendships.  I have discovered that my expectations of friendships is unrealistic and that I may need to adjust those expectations; therefore, finding a greater sense of fulfillment within those relationships.

Let's assume we all agree that friendships are "supposed" to be mutually fulfilling and reciprocal as well as life-giving and respectful.  I would like to have some input in this from others.  Please comment here or via facebook.

What are 3-5 things you most highly value in your friendships?  (Give examples if possible)

Seven Days without Make-up

Not purposely and with little pre-mediation, I have gone a complete seven days without wearing any make-up and without putting any products in my hair.  Disclaimer: I greatly enjoy make-up, foo-foo girly stuff, doing my hair and dolling up.  I have a Mary Kay account, know what microdermabrasion is and get insane amounts of satisfaction from picking out eye shadow.  I point this out only as a point of clarification because I don't want any readers to get the wrong idea.  I did not abstain from my normal hygiene routine for spiritual, emotional or moral reasons.  I was on vacation. Seriously.

For the first time, in a really long time (maybe ever), I took a whole week off from work, did not check email or voicemail, slept in, exercised, ate food that was cooked at home, swam in my pool, served some friends by babysitting their baby for a few days, accomplished some things at home, started to read a book, STARTED our thank-you cards for the wedding.

Monday - I hung out with my sister Sara ON her birthday.  This has not happened since 1998 when I moved out of the house she and I grew up in.  We ate chocolate chip pancakes at Original House of Pancakes, shopped, drank Starbucks mocha-carmel-frappapapapapapa things, swam in our pool, and enjoyed just being with each other.  No make-up necessary.

Tuesday - I spent most of the day doing apartment improvement stuff with my husband and checking off things on our "to do" list.  We cooked dinner, made meal lists together, spent time casually sitting on our tiny loveseat together discussing the future, our children and the way we want to live our lives.

Wednesday - Benjamin and I spent the day babysitting the 14-month son of some great friends of ours.  We were able to spend a lot of time together discussing childhood related things, defining values, expressing anxieties and enjoying being off from work at the same time.  That evening we went to the champion softball games for my best friend and enjoyed the beautiful weather and leisurely pace of *mostly* non-competitive softball games.  No make-up necessary.

Thursday - Spent the majority of the day with the 14-month old again.  He's a joyful, easily amused, expressive, content little baby.  A great second day playing house.  That night, our friends hosted us to a beautiful evening of classical music and rich history at the Salute to America concert with a performance by the Detroit Symphony Orchestra at The Henry Ford. The weather was beautiful and the company was perfect. No make-up necessary.

Friday - My sister and I drove south to Richmond, Kentucky to celebrate her birthday and my parent’s 34th wedding anniversary.  We spent time on the wide open road, with the wind in our hair, tossing sweet cherry pits out of my sunroof, discussing the complexities of life, site-seeing the lightening-struck "Touchdown Jesus" that was once a familiar point of reference for our many trips to and from our second home. No make-up necessary.

Today, Saturday - Slept in, talked and laughed with my parents and sister for endless hours this morning/afternoon during our "coffee & toast" time.

This tradition started when my parents moved to Richmond over 5 years ago.  After a long drive on Friday nights after work, I would wake up late on Saturday mornings to my sweet mom and dad sitting in their bed drinking coffee, eating toast talking or listening to NPR.  I would climb into bed with them and drink coffee, eat toast and join into whatever conversation they were having.  It usually transitions to the living room, where there is a little more room to stretch out and this is where my parents would ask questions about job, school, and relationships.  This "coffee & toast" time is my favorite time when I am here, in my second home.  It is where I find a connection with the *inheritance* of having a healthy relationship, as an adult, with my parents.  Their wisdom flows freely, as it always has, and I have matured to a place where my heart receives their instruction, advice, council and input without reservation or defense. It is where my soul has been growing up.  

After "coffee toast" time, my mom and I went to get a manicure and pedicure and came home to cook "birthday/anniversary" dinner.  We watched some HGTV and speculated about fantastic design projects and homes we would buy...if we had all the money in the world. We finished up celebrations with our favorite "shower cake" that my mother makes for our birthdays.  No make-up necessary.

Tomorrow we'll depart, heading north to our homes.  I quite possible will not put make-up on again, until Tuesday morning when I return to work.  At which point I will fondly remember the time that was saved in not putting on make-up and instead spent with the people I love the most.