The core leadership team where I work has been working to socialize the staff around the idea that the work we do is best done when we all operate as one team. I very much appreciate this concept, being a very externally motivated, empathetic, inclusive, people person. The more people I can interact with (in healthy, reciprocal, and life-giving ways, of course,) the better! This concept, however, is not just about interaction and relationship. I am beginning to see it as a marriage or a covenant of sorts. There was a deep sense of relief that I felt when Benjamin and I got engaged. I became very aware of the tension and stress that I had been carrying going through life as the only person truly responsible for me. Having a partner meant I was no longer the only person that was responsible for me. I also was able to share the responsibility of his life for him.
At work, this would look more like accountability, distributive leadership, or a cross-functional group all working towards the same goal. I really like working on teams, not to mention, I think I happen to work with some of the brightest and most talented people in the world.
What does this have to do with weight loss?
Recently, over 100 of you "liked," or commented on my recent weight-loss success. This idea of "all of us" came to my mind as I was thinking about this blog, its purpose, and the story I am hoping my health journey can tell. Then this sort of came to me...
After my father passed away (sob...I really hate "father's day, by the way,) I kept repeating a message to myself that was not really healthy. "Hannah, you need to lose weight for Dad." I think I believed that I could justify his death by beating the genetic coding I have been given. There are so many things wrong with that line of thinking, one being, I will never be able to justify, much less understand his death. Second, if I'm not willing to do something for myself, what makes me think I would've done it for him. I suppose that I was assuming that I was motivated so greatly by the pain of his death, that I could do this hard thing of loosing weight, in honor of him. I wish I was that selfless, but I'm not. I was (maybe still am) angry over this loss, angry at Chrons and the stupid European heritage that starved my once 320 pound father to death.
As the "pings" were coming in last Friday of Facebook, I recognized a new sense of partnership; I felt like I was on a team. I felt like I was playing an important part in this journey and through your encouragement and support, I felt like I was on this mission to accomplish something for...all of us.
I have 33.4 pounds to loose until I reach my...no, our first goal. Thank you for caring enough to support this process. I know that it may seem like it is all about me, but without you, I am not sure I would be able to do this. That makes it about all of us.
p.s. I promise I won't always be this wordy.
