Loss, confusion and overwhelmingly constant (most of the time) grief.
With each passing day, monumental events come and go, I miss my father more and more. His absence is so real, so constant; there is not a single day that goes by where I don't think about him, want to talk to him, miss him or need him.
I hate that he is not in my life, I feel it is unfair and that something has been taken away too soon.
It is similar to the blistering hot sun of an August summer afternoon. The moment you get in your car that has been sitting outside all day, the heat wraps around you, suffocating you. You gasp for air, try to open the windows, start your car and impulsively turn on the air conditioner thinking that magically cool relief will instantly pour out, providing you with the ability to breath again. That is what this loss has been like to me, although there is no cool air, no relief, no breath to be caught. I'm suffocating, it never leaves - the heat. It is the most unbearable and uncomfortable thing I have ever experienced.
I, rather impulsively, grope for grace, for relief. It hasn't come.
